


Can't fix what's already broken

by Feenaa



Series: Can't fix this [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crying, Divorce, F/M, Hurt Harry, Hurt Louis, Kid Fic, M/M, Parenthood, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:54:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25074196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenaa/pseuds/Feenaa
Summary: Part four from can't fix this and the final part
Relationships: Gigi Hadid/Zayn Malik, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Can't fix this [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630237
Comments: 16
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

It is still early in the morning, people are still not even on their way to work, the breeze is cold but he doesn’t care. Louis locks himself in the car watching only one thing, a black gate.

He is waiting for someone to get out of the place. He is waiting ready to follow once the man shows himself, he will be so careful not to get caught, this time he will do it right. He has to do it right.

His phone is ringing beside him on the empty chair, he knows who is calling without even looking. Harry.

He reaches his hand to answer Harry and gives him a suitable excuse of why he left him early morning behind his back. But he sees something that makes him freeze. The man he was looking for is coming out of the building, with a cigarette in his hand and a phone in his other hand. Louis silently starts driving behind the man. He drives so slowly that he can’t be seen. He follows him till he gets inside his car and Louis keeps following him ignoring Harry totally.

******

Harry puts his phone down on the night stand beside him and huffs angrily, he moves the blanket away and he puts his legs on the floor. He looks again at the phone and then he leaves the bed.

He heads towards the other room and opens the door, he looks at his daughter Emma sleeping on her bed hugging her Teddy bear. He smiles at her and takes few steps towards the bed, he sits beside her and he shakes her gently “ wake up sunshine”

His daughter moves a little and then opens her eyes, he smiles widely at her and plays with her hair saying “ Happy birthday sweat pumpkin”

She opens her eyes widely “ is it today? “

He nods his head, she jumps on him and hugs him as strong as she can “ am I six now? “

Harry giggles “ you are six now”

She looks at his eyes “ where is daddy? Are we making the party today? “

Harry’s face turns a little pale “ yes we are making it today “

She smiles fondly and she seems lost in her thoughts, Harry was going to laugh but he says “ come on let’s have breakfast.. I am making you your fave”

She nods and she walks by him to the kitchen.

Once they enters she asks again “ where is daddy? “

Then she sits on her chair on the table, Harry sighs and looks at her “ at work”

“that early?” she asks with furrowed brows while Harry puts the glass of milk in front of her, he looks at her and shrugs, he doesn’t want to tell her that her father never returned home last night.

She sighs too “ I can barely see him, will he be there at the party? “

Harry opens his eyes wide and says “ of course he will be here, you are his favorite daughter in the world”

She giggles “ I am his only daughter papa”

He giggles too “ aren’t you smart? Now come and help me! “

****** 

It was seven hours later, Harry made sure everything was ready for his daughter birthday. He is brushing her hair while looking at the watch on the wall. 

“Harry! “ Gemma calls from downstairs 

“yes? “ he shouted 

“Niall and Sarah are here ” she answers him and Emma claps her hand. Harry laughs and says “ in a minute “

His daughter turns and look at him, he watches her with hearty eyes and says “ you look amazing baby” he hugs her “ can’t believe my girl is turning six”

she giggles “ Yeah finally “, he kisses her hair and says “now go down and get ready, I will follow” she runs in front of him laughing and jumping in joys, his smiles fades once she leaves the room and he looks at his phone again, he picks it and tries to call his husband for the thousand time this morning. He huffs and threw the phone beside him. 

“still nothing? “ Lottie asks getting inside the room, Harry shakes his head and looks at nothing exactly “ I don’t know why he is doing this? “.

Lottie walks and sits beside him on the bed “ it wasn’t easy”

“for all of us” he argues defensively

She nods “ I know.. I know. But he was his best friend”

Harry doesn’t say any other word, he just nods and looks in front again

Lottie pats his thigh and says “ everything will be alright”

Harry only looks at her and tries to smile. They hear the doorbell rings and Lottie jumps on her feet “ that must be him. I told you he will never miss his daughter birthday “

She walks away and leaves him alone. Harry does not like what was going on. He hates the fact that again Louis is ignoring his family for the sake of his work but this time not only Harry who suffers, his daughter too.

Harry goes downstairs to where the guests are gathering, but there is no sign for Louis. He sees Zayn sitting beside gigi and he jumps to him “ anything? “

Zayn looks at Harry and shakes his head “ no one knows where he is”, Gigi hugs Harry and pats his shoulder. 

Harry smiles "where is Ella?" 

Gigi looks around her and says "playing with Emma and the others" 

Harry looks at her and tried to smile "she is beautiful" 

Then he looks at his phone again and groans “ why doesn’t he answer his phone then? “

Niall moves to them on his wheelchair with Gemma “ where is the cake, the kids are eating us alive” Gemma says laughing.

Harry doesn’t answer, he keeps trying to call Louis, Gemma looks at Zayn who shrugs and says “ we can’t find Louis”

Niall almost gasps “ you mean he is not here? “

Zayn looks at him “ no one knows where he is, and he isn’t answering his phone”

Niall looks at Harry and says nothing, but he doesn’t miss the twitches in Harry’s hands.

Gemma walks to her brother “ come on let’s drink something, it’s still early anyway”

Harry sighs and walks by Gemma without talking, Niall looks at Zayn, Zayn says “ I swear I don’t know anything. Ever since the accident and we barely talk”

Niall takes a deep breath and looks at Harry whose Gemma is talking to, but he seems not listening “ this is killing him alive, he is barely surviving Zayn, last time he spent a month in hospital trying to control his seizures”

Zayn nods “ I know Niall I was there “, but also Zayn is hand tight, he doesn't know where Louis is or even what he is doing. 

Three hours later, after eating the cake and celebrating Emma birthday, the party is almost over. Harry told his daughter that her father was stuck at work and he will make it up to her. She cried a little but Niall, Sarah and Lottie could cheer her up with her friends.

Harry is cleaning with Zayn and Gemma when they hear “ dadyyyyy”

Harry tenses for a second and then he ignores. They all can see how anxious he is, ever since the last hospital visit and Harry was so depressed that he even started to see a therapist.

“ daddy are you okay? “ Emma says those words, Harry snaps his head to Zayn who nods and walks out of the kitchen to where Louis is.

Harry sighs and drops the plate he was washing as the tremors in his hands become uncontrolled, he walks to the drawer where he keeps his medication, he takes two pills with no water then he feels a palm on his back. He looks at his sister beside him, she smiles at him “ are you okay? “

He nods his head and says “ I will be fine Gemma, don’t worry”

She nods but before she says a word, she looks behind Harry and stops

“ I am sorry “ Louis says at the door

Harry doesn’t even look at him, Gemma answers “ you missed your daughter's birthday “

He sighs and walks inside “ I know I am sorry”

She looks at Harry “ I have to go now Harry”

He smiles at her and gives her a tight hug, she walks and hugs Louis too whispering “ better have a good excuse “ he just smiles and she leaves.

Harry rubs his face and looks at Louis, he freezes, Louis looks pale with a huge bruise on his left cheek. 

Harry does not gasp or even react at the start  
“ do I need to know? “ Harry asks but Louis says “ I am sorry”

Harry stars at him and then he shakes his head in disbelief “ I can’t believe I let you do this again. I can’t believe I believed you”

“Harry.. “

“no” he snaps “ this needs to stop. Ever since Liam.. “

Louis groans “not again”

“again and again and again. Till you get your mind back “ Harry is practically yelling now

Zayn enters the kitchen and looks between them“ guys. Keep it down”

Harry looks at Zayn, Zayn says “ gigi took Ella and Emma to her room”

Harry shakes his head and closes his eyes “ I can’t do this again. I swear to God I can’t “

“what does it even mean? “ Louis asks

“it means we need to sit and talk Louis, you are running and I can’t beat it. I am too tired, I am raising our daughter alone while you are just running after something you will never find. You are putting us in danger.. Again. It has been two years”

“I said it’s not about Liam” Louis yells

“isn't it? “ Harry yells back

“no.. It is about me. I can’t leave it. I can’t let it go”

“you have to “

“why? “

“because of us” Harry screams “ you have us. Come on Louis I am still trying to survive what happened to me”

“it has been eight years. Get over it” Louis rolls his eyes scoffing 

Zayn is the one who says “ haaaay”

But Harry looks at Louis and walks to him “get over it? I almost died twice and-" but he stops himself and shakes his head in disbelief, he looks again at Louis  
" fine Louis I will get over it, but if anything happens to our daughter I will never forgive you”

“nothing will happen to your daughter Harry” he says with an annoying tune

Harry frowns and says “my daughter? Is she my daughter now? “

“she's always been your daughter Harry. It was your idea remember? “

Harry shakes his head “no, you didn’t say this. My idea? It was our ides”

“guys” Zayn interrupts and looks between them “ what is happening to you? ”, he has to ask because this is leading to dead end. Louis goes too far and there is not turning back so he tries just to stop them before it is too late. 

But Harry just stares at Louis then leaves the whole kitchen. He storms to his room. And he slams the door behind him. He has no idea who that is, Louis had changed a lot after that day where Liam was killed. He can’t forgive himself and he is trying to find the criminal and pay back. That is what he is living for lately. Only this.

He dropped everything in his life. His family, Harry’s illness, his daughter and focused only on this case and Harry is having enough now. 

Harry sits on the bed, rests his head on his hands and he closes his eyes. His hands is shaking he is hyperventilating and he tries not to cry. 

“I am sorry” Louis opens the door and says, he walks to sit beside Harry on the bed 

“ I know I shouldn't have said those words”

“you meant them” Harry says, then he looks at Louis “ you meant every word you said Louis. I know you”. 

Louis is staring at him, Harry feels he wants to talk but he stops himself and Harry got tired from this game. 

He stands up “I am gonna check Emma. Please try to do something for her” and he leaves the room. 

But he feels things are breaking between them and this time Harry will let them. He can’t fight anymore. He won’t.

*******

Louis opens his eyes, he is sleeping on his bed and his head hurts like hell. He puts his hand on his swollen check and he hisses in pain. Slowly he sits on the bed and the pain in his ribs shoot reminds him of what happened last night. He was attacked when he was following the one who is responsible for Liam’s death. 

He does not know what exactly happened, all he can remember is him following the man till he entered that pub, he entered and looked for him but there was no sign of him, when he left it to look around it he was attacked and he couldn’t see who attacked him. And then he was left alone.

Louis walks to the bathroom where he thinks Harry in, but Harry isn’t in the whole room. Maybe he didn’t sleep the night here at all.

He washes his face thinking how can he fix what happened between him and Harry, he knows he said things he isn’t suppose to say but he also knows it is too late now to take them back.

He takes his clothes off hissing again when he felt the pain, he looks at his chest and doesn’t expect to see a huge blue bruise. He sighs and decides to ignore it and he takes his shower while trying to shut his mind that is screaming inside his skull.

He enters the kitchen thinking that Harry and his daughter aren’t home, the place is too quite and when he entered his daughter room to talk to her it was empty.

He finds Harry sitting on the table drinking his coffee, and from the look on his face he knows Harry didn’t sleep last night. His eyes are red and his face is pale and Louis is scared to ask if he had a seizure or not.  
Louis walks inside the kitchen, Harry notices him and ignores.

Louis pours some coffee to himself and he sits in front of Harry, he is thinking whether to say something or not, and then he decides not to speak

“ how do you feel? “ Harry starts looking at his face  
Louis touches his cheek and says “ I will be okay”

“will you tell me what happened? “ Harry asks but Louis just looks down, he can’t tell him what happened, he knows this will kill Harry

Harry sighs and closes his eyes “ god, you are so stubborn “

“it’s nothing” Louis says looking at Harry

“look at you, you are hurt, you disappeared on your daughter birthday… oh sorry my daughter “ he said last word sarcastically

Louis groans “ Harry… you know I didn’t mean it”

“but you meant it” Harry says challenging him, he looks at him and says “I always saw it in your eyes but I never expected to hear it”

Louis leaves the table “ I am not talking to you when you are like this”

“now Louis “ Harry yells and when Louis looks at him he sees Harry on his feet glaring at him

“what do you want to hear” Louis tries not to yell 

“what is happening with you? Why are you neglecting us again? What are you on? “

Louis groans “nothing Harry”

“stop lying to me “ then Harry stops talking, he looks down “ I don’t know why are you doing this? It won’t bring him back”

It is when Louis loses his temper “ stop mentioning him, it is not about him. It’s me.. It’s all on me. I was there, I couldn’t protect him, I couldn’t save him. I was there Harry and I watch him dying… so no. I need to pay back”

“so it’s about him. it wasn’t your fault Louis “

“it is… it is my fault. If it wasn’t for me, if he didn’t come with me that night, then he would be alive “ Louis is yelling losing control of everything 

“but he did. And he is dead now. He is gone but we are still here. I know it Louis, I know I will regret letting you come back to your career, I know it will ruin us again. But this time we won’t let it ruin our lives, we deserve much more from you.. Your daughter deserves more. “

“she is not my daughter” Louis yells and Harry shuts his mouth . Louis notices what he just did and he groans and rubs his face 

“ what are you trying to say? “ Harry asks

“nothing Harry.. I don’t know why I said it” Louis says trying to fix anything if he can

“ she is your daughter too. You were there you signed the papers, she carries your name Louis, why this is so much now? Why are you running away”

Louis looks at him, he hears himself without thinking what to say he just says “I got sick Harry of this, of all of this, I didn’t ask for all of this”

“you didn’t ask for her? “

“no, that’s not what I mean, it’s me… I - "

“what? You what Louis? What are you talking about, how could you? “ Harry's eyes filled with tears 

Louis has enough from Harry blaming him, so he snapped at him “ we both know I did it for you, we both know I didn’t want a baby, I didn’t want to adopt anyone, we were barely living Harry.. And you couldn’t ask for more, huh, no you needed me to quit my job, and you then needed a baby”

“what are you saying? You needed her too” tears cascades his face now. 

It hurts him to see Harry this way, but he can't stop himself "no I didn’t, I don’t need her, she is ruining my life” Louis yells, but he doesn’t notice that Emma with Gemma are at the door frame both looking at him shocked.

“ what!!” Emma says with tears in her eyes.

Louis can’t turn to watch her, he knows he hurts them all, he knows it is beyond everything. He has reached his limits.

Harry passes him and runs to his daughter, Louis turns his back and looks his daughter who is crying on her papa’s neck crooks, Harry carries her and he walks upstairs.

Gemma looks at Louis “ what was that about? “and   
Louis sighs and wipes his tears “ I don’t know” he sits again on his chair and closes his eyes rests his head on his hand “ I don’t know… I love her Gemma but I.. “

“but? There is a but? Are you kidding me? “ then she sighs and says “ do you have any idea how hard those past days were to him? You disappear for days and when you show you look like… this” she points at his with her two hands

Louis is looking at her unable to answer, she then sits beside him “ listen Louis I know how hard is this for you, but don’t ignore your family. Not again Louis you both could barely survive last time”

Louis does not answer he looks down and then Gemma stands up, she gives him a hug and then she leaves the kitchen. Louis stays for couple of minutes and then leave too.

*****

Louis is in his office, Zayn enters the office and he looks at him but he doesn’t talk

Louis huffs without looking at him and says “ now what? “

Zayn ignores him and sits on his desk, Louis says “ I saw him yesterday “

Zayn snaps his head up and says “ what? “

Louis looks at him “ you know who, I saw him yesterday and I followed him, he noticed me and he attacked me. if you are wondering how I got this bruise”

Zayn finally sighs “ God Tommo.. You will get yourself killed”

But Louis just ignores him, Zayn raises his voice “what were you thinking following him alone. And he attacked you and didn’t kill you.. Why? “

Louis shrugs “ I have no idea”

Then the door is opened and their new partner Shawn pops his head in and says “ the boss needs you”

Zayn stands up right away but Shawn says “ actually he wants Tomlinson”

Louis looks at him with a big frown and then he stands up. Ever since Liam and the boss stopped asking Louis for anything, he stopped giving him any assignments and he just keeps him at the office.

Louis walks to the boss office and he enters the room “ you wanna see me? “

The boss who is sitting on his desk nods and waves for him to sit. Louis follows the order and sits.

“how are you Louis? “ the boss asks looking at the papers in front of him.

Louis nods “ good”

“and your sweat family? “

Louis nods again “ good” he starts to get sweaty and nervous

Then the boss looks at him when he felt his nervousness “ are you ready for the field? “

“I told you I am ready long time ago”

The boss nods his head and then looks again at the papers in front of him, then he gives them to Louis.

Louis takes the papers and starts reading but first thing he reads was Manchester

“Manchester? “ he asks

The boss nods “ yeah this is your new destination “

Louis looks at the boss “but sir.. I can’t. You know about my husband condition “

The boss nodded “ it’s only for three weeks. They lost two of them two weeks ago so they need men, so you will be send from here and another one from Liverpool.. But only for three weeks. I guess Harry can stand few weeks without you, right? ”

Louis looks at the paper again but the boss says “ it’s final Louis.. You don’t have a say. We all know you need a distraction from here.. “

“with all due respect sir, but I don’t need any distraction. It has been two years sir and you were punishing me with doing nothing and when you finally decide to put me in the field again you send me hundreds of mills away” he yells and stands up

The boss remains as calm as he can and then he says “ like I said.. It is final” then he looks down at the papers “ you are dismissed “

“sir.. “

The boss sighs and looks at him “ how stupid do you think I am Louis? “

Louis frowns and keeps his mouth shut, the boss continues “ I know what were you doing Louis, ever since we closed Liam’s case and I know you didn’t stop your digging, and I am not ready to lose another one of my best men. So yes you will go there and you will do your best like your life depends on these three weeks.. Now get out of here”

And Louis doesn’t talk again, he walks out of the office closing the door behind him.

******

Louis is driving his car back home when he notices a car he had seen it a lot recently. Last time it was early this morning. He picks his phone and he calls Zayn

“ yes Zayn..where are you? Alright good I will send you a plate number and i need you to find everything about this car… I will answer you later just do it” be ended the call and he slow down that the car had to be in front of him. He takes a photo and sends it to Zayn right away.

He takes few turns till he lose the car and then he returns home. He opens the door and first thing he notices is the calmness. No sound of Harry making anything in the kitchen, no sound of Emma playing.

He calls them but no one answers them. He walks inside the kitchen and he gasps.

On the fridge is a picture of the family they took it three years ago. With an x on Harry’s and Emma’s face.

Louis starts yelling their names now but again no answers, then he jumps upstairs where he finds Emma’s room is empty and his bedroom is empty too.

He looks at the bed and he notices a piece of paper, he picks it and he reads

“we need sometime apart. Don’t try to contact us we will be okay”

Louis sighs and tries to control his accelerated heartbeat, he looks at the closet and it is empty. He sits on the bed and the world is spinning, he is afraid, angry and nervous.

He picks his phone and calls Harry but directed immediately to the answer machine. He groans and he tosses the phone beside him, with a shaky hands and tears in his Eyes he whispers

“ it’s my fault.. It’s my fault”

*******

No one knows where Harry is, Louis called everyone but no one told him anything. They weren’t surprised too.

Louis returns home alone. The home sounds dismal and Louis feels he can’t breath. He sits in the kitchen and he closes his eyes. He doesn’t know how to fix this now. How to heal the wounds he did for Harry and his little girl. He doesn't know how to do it and still keeps them safe. He takes a deep breath and he puts his phone in front of him. He then tries again to call Harry but to his surprise Harry answered

“Harry? “

But there is no answer.

“Harry? Are you there? Are you okay? “

Again no answer, Louis’ heart drops. What is happening? Harry is having a problem, he is having a seizure? Is he kidnapped?? 

Louis jumps on his foot “ Harry? Baby? Are you okay? God Answer me please… Harry? What is going on? “   
then the call ends.

Louis becomes frantic, he takes his keys and runs outside.

He is driving aimlessly, but he eventually goes to the station, he runs to his desk where Zayn is still there finishing some paper works

“Louis! What are you doing here? “

Louis’ face is pale, his eyes are lost and he doesn’t know what to do, then his phone rings and he answers immediately.

“Louis Tomlinson… yes, yes he is my husband. What hospital! Fine fine I am on my way”

He ends the call but Zayn is already taking his jacket and stuff and together they run outside.

******

In the hospital, Louis closes Harry’s bedroom and he walks to where Zayn is sitting. Zayn looks at him “how is he? “

Louis sighs and sits beside him “same, still sleeping “

Zayn nods “have you called Gemma? “

Louis nods “I did. I don’t know should I be happy to know Emma was with her at home or angry because Gemma lied to me. Or furious because that idiot left the house alone at the middle of the night while knowing he is this close from a seizure”

Zayn sighs “non of the above”

Then he looks at Louis “listen Louis, I don’t wanna make things worse now but.. Actually you lead to this”

Louis looks at him fuming “you can’t be serious! Are you blaming me for this? “  
Although he is blaming himself but he doesn’t want yo hear it from anyone. 

“you know exactly what I am talking about, ever since-“

Louis grits his teeth and groans “if you say his name I swear to God Zayn”

“just tell me when? when will you be normal again? It has been two years and don’t tell me you are thinking to payback alone because Louis this is not your job”

“it is”

“it is not. Liam is dead, and it was not your fault. He was doing his job. We all know the risks we all had our share. But it was his time that night and there was nothing anyone can do to stop it, cause louis the only way to bring him back is to go back in time and it is impossible.” 

"I think it is too late for that" 

"what?" 

Louis sighs and looks at Zayn "someone broke into my house. He left me a threat" 

"you can't be serious" 

Louis looks down and doesn’t talk

"you need to stop, you need to fucking stop doing what you are doing, you are putting all your family in dangerous for what? It is not bringing him back" 

Then Zayn takes a deep breath “I miss him okay, I miss him so much and I wish things were different, I wish he is still her between us. But I am also grateful to be alive Louis, I am grateful I am here taking care of my family. My wife and daughter. I am grateful they are alive and happy and with me. You have to stop thinking of dead people Louis and start living again or it will be too late"

Louis looks at him, he shakes his head “ it is not easy  
“

“what else do you want? Do you want them dead? He is your husband and she is your daughter "

Louis closes his eyes" it is not easy"

Zayn shakes his head "never said it is. But give it a try. Louis your family is different. Don’t deny that, don’t act like it is okay to leave him with your daughter for days worrying about you and about him and her. He is not okay and he is getting worse. We all know that, and with the threats I don't know how will he even take this”

Louis frowns “worse how? “

Zayn sighs “ please, tell me you know”

Louis starts to get nervous, he isn’t ready for any surprises “fine. I think you should hear it from him then”

“hear what Zayn? Don’t play games with me”

Zayn stands up “I am not man. Just talk you your husband. He needs you that’s all I can say, I will see about those threats and put some protection ”

****** 

Louis enters the room again. Zayn left without saying a word and Louis’ mind is racing thoughts and awful ideas. Harry is awake and sitting on the hospital bed.   
“hi” Louis says 

But Harry doesn’t move his eyes from his lap. He looks so calm, not angry or sad. Just calm. 

Louis walks and sits beside him “you scared me”

Harry doesn’t move 

“baby? Are you okay? “ 

Louis is watching him, then he looks at the monitor that’s reading his vitals. No rapid heart rate or anything. So no, he isn’t having a seizure. 

“Harry? Do you know what happened to you? Someone saw you unconscious at the middle of the street. Apparently you seized there alone and.. Someone stole your phone”

It is when Harry looks at him surprised. 

Louis puts his hand on Harry’s but Harry pulls his hand and folds his arms across his chest. Louis is shocked for a second but he knows Harry is still angry at him.   
He sighs “Harry, I am sorry okay”

Again, nothing. 

“Harry please. Talk to me. Don’t do this. Don’t shut down-“

“leave me alone” it is all what Harry says 

Louis tries again “I am so sorry. I know I should be there at her birthday; I know I shouldn’t said what I did. But I didn’t mean those words I swear to God. You know what she means to me. What this family means to me”

Harry chuckles and shook his head scoffing. 

“Harry stop this way”

Harry is still looking down “ save it Louis”

“Harry. Stop being child and talk to me”

“okay, why? “ Harry says looking at him, again he doesn’t look angry his eyes just look tired and Louis does not know if he is tired firm the seizure or from him. 

“all you do is talking Louis. Just talking and giving me promises. And I was so naïve to believe you. Every time I believe.. “ he chuckles again “I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. Deep down I know you will not keep your promise, my mind tells me not to believe you but my heart says the opposite but every time my mind wins. God Louis I am so tired of this. And now it’s not only me… our daughter is feeling the same. And then you said those words that I have no idea how to fix this. I have no idea how to heal the scar you caused because I know no matter what I do or you do.. She will live with these words forever. You just ruined Our daughter for ever Louis and I can’t forgive this” he wipes his tears and says “I can’t forgive you Louis”

Louis is crying too, he nods his head and tears falls freely on his cheeks 

“what can I do to fix this? I want to fix this Harry”

Harry shakes his head and looks again at his lap “too late Louis. Too late “

“no” again he takes Harry’s hand 

Harry takes a deep breath and says “I filed a divorce this morning “

Louis looks at him with huge eyes 

Harry adds “the lawyer will contact you and tell you everything. Don’t worry I am not taking anything from you. I will give you all the time you want for yourself”

“Harry I am sorry I can-“

Harry shakes his head “I was thinking about it for too long now, but I was giving you time to come back to me.. But I don’t know. I don’t wanna do this anymore, I am done fighting Louis. It is over”

Louis is still staring at Harry, he can’t believe what is happening, he just can’t believe that Harry is giving up   
“you are leaving me? “

Harry looks at him “I never wanted to. But you made me do this you gave up on us Louis and I am done waiting. This feeling is killing me. I am always waiting for something you will never give it to me”

“what? Ask anything and I will.. But don’t.. Don’t do this Harry. I need you”

“no, no you don’t. Not anymore. And we don’t need you Louis” he bits his lower lip trying to control his shaking chin “all this time I thought I can’t do this. I can’t do this alone, I can’t survive alone but you know, I am always alone Louis. You are never here and I… survived”

“Harry, I know how angry you are now, but can’t we at least talk about it? Can’t we just think again? I don’t want to divorce you”

“I don’t want you anymore in my life Louis. I can’t stand you anymore”

Louis cries “you don’t mean that”

“but I do. I know what I want I am a grown old man and I know what I want” he sighs and then he squeezes Louis’ hand “what a life we had together, right? You gave me an amazing life I never thought I could live. You taught me what true love is and I was happy. But Louis. I am not happy anymore. This love has gone long time ago” he sighed “who are we kidding Louis? Our marriage is destroyed since I came out of my coma. But we didn’t want to confess, I thought having a child could change something – “

“Harry-“

“you are right. I was the one who wanted the baby, I always wanted a baby, I always wanted more.. Because I was trying to save us.. I was trying to avoid this… but this.. This is happening no matter what we did or do to save it. It is the end”

Louis doesn’t talk. 

“I wish it could work a little longer, I thought I was going to die between your arms”

Louis frowns through his tears and looks at him, he is going to talk when the door is opened and the doctor and a nurse enter. 

The doctor looks at Harry smiling “Mr. Tomlinson how are you now? “


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait. But I will try to keep writing.

Gemma opens the door for Louis. She is ready to go to Harry and he is supposed to take his daughter home. Emma knows her father is in hospital and she looks really sad. She always looks sad when Harry feels sick or has one of his fits. 

Emma doesn’t say a word but when Gemma kisses her goodbye she cries really hard. Gemma looks at Louis shocked. Louis sighs because he knows why his daughter is crying. He slowly walks towards her and tries to hug her, she finches and she doesn’t hug back. Louis’ heart twists, that is a first, Emma is a cuddling person just like her father. He takes her hand and the three of them leave the house. 

The way home is torturing. Louis tries to open conversations with his daughter but she just stars at the window and avoids looking at him. She looks scared of him and he starts to feel worried too. 

He asks her if she wants to eat when they arrived home and she only nods her head. He makes her some food and he calls her. She sits in front and she barley touches her food 

“you need to eat so papa won’t be mad” Louis says looking at her 

She nods and takes one fork and then she puts it down again 

Louis frowns “is it bad? “ he takes one fork too, it is the same pasta he always does. He looks at her “it tastes good, of course not like papa’s but it is still eatable, why don’t you eat? “

She looks down and doesn’t talk 

Louis sighs “are you worried about papa? He is okay, you know he is okay, right? “

She doesn’t talk

“I will take you later to see him”

And finally she looks at him “will you da-“ but she cuts herself and looks down again 

Louis’ heart drops. Now he sees. It is the reaction she gives him because of what she heard the other day.  
“baby” he whispers, he puts his hand on hers and then he cries. 

She leaves her seat and walks to him, she hesitates for a second but finally she hugs him

He hugs her back, and he cries, he can’t talk, he sees what he had done to the little girl, Harry was right, he ruined her, she can’t even call him dad. He cries because Harry was really right he ruined her forever and he doesn’t even know how to fix this. 

Louis puts his daughter in bed. He acts like what happened didn’t happen. He pretends like everything is okay. He plays with her ignoring how caution she behaves; he tells her bed story and he kisses her good night. She also tries to act okay. But he can’t miss the lost eyes and the few words she gives him. 

Finally, he returns to his bed. He lies his body there and he looks at the ceiling. Stream of memories hit him really hard and he cries again. He turns his body to look at where Harry used to sleep and he cries even harder.   
*****   
When Louis enters Harry’s room in hospital, he sees Emma sleeping on her father’s lab. Harry is stroking her hair while scrolling his phone. He looks at Louis who is watching his daughter. 

“I think she didn’t sleep well last night? “ Harry says 

Louis sighs and nods his head. He walks and sits at the end of the bed. “how are you feeling now? “

“better” then he looks at his daughter “did you talk? “

Louis shakes his head “I didn’t.. I don’t know what to say. I mean she seems so.. I am so sorry Harry, I want to fix this I can’t lose everything now I can’t lose you I love you so – “

“it’s not about us now. It is about her. I want you to fix what you did to her, I want to gain her trust back"

Louis nods his head and looks again at his daughter who still looks sad although she is sleeping. 

“she told me you didn’t sleep in our home? “ Harry is looking at him. 

Louis nods his head “about that “

Harry closes his eyes and takes a deep breath “now what? “

Louis shakes his head “don’t worry about it, everything is under control “

“ so there is something? “ he frowns deeper 

“I will fix it”

“oh God! “ he starts to hyperventilate and he puts his hand on his chest

“Harry, I will fix it. Now please don’t stress out, you can’t the doctor says your heart is too weak, so please “

Harry closes his mouth. He takes a deep breath and he starts to calm a little bit. 

Louis looks at him “why didn’t you tell me? About your heart? “

Heart looks down and shrugs “would it matter? “

Louis can’t believe what he hears “of course it would . What are you taking about? “

Harry looks back at him “no, it wouldn’t. Maybe for few days but you would disappear again and I would lose my mind and feel sad all over again”

“Harry-“

“did Mark call you? “ Harry cuts him, Louis looks at him and stays silent for few seconds, Mark is their lawyer 

“no he didn’t.”

Harry nods “he will then”

“Harry-“

Harry says still looking at his lab and avoiding meeting louis' eyes “I want you to sign the paper as soon as you get them”

“I am not. Stop it, stop saying like we are having a divorce cause we are not” he says it louder that his daughter shifts in her place 

Harry looks at Emma so as Louis. Then Harry says “I want to get it over with”

Louis looks at him and he starts to get angry “I am not signing any papers Harry, so think of something else. But I am not divorcing you”

Harry looks at him “I don’t want you anymore in my life Louis, what else to think about? “

“baby, please.. We will talk about it”

“when? “

Louis doesn’t talk Harry talks for him “when you find who killed Liam so he can kill you too? Or worse get us all killed? “

“Harry? “ Louis’ heart skips a beat, Harry means something by those words

“I got the threats Louis” here he goes 

Then silence. 

Louis sees in his mind all the past, the past when Harry also received threats and ended up in a coma. 

Harry rubs his face with his other hand “last week. Someone sent me an email”

“what? And you keep it away from me? “

Harry snorts “I haven’t seen you the whole last week Louis”

Louis jumps on his feet “you could have called me and told me it was emergency “

Harry chuckles “I did, I called you and I told you.. Do you know what you did? You told me to take my pills Louis and go to sleep”

Louis looks down, okay he remembers that 

Harry goes on “you didn’t even ask what was the emergency Louis. You didn’t even remember. I mean what if it was something worse? What if I was having a seizure in front of our daughter... Which happened a lot recently and she knew what exactly to do. She is only six and she knows how to take care of her broken father”

Louis shakes his head in anger “don’t call yourself that”

“what? Broken? I am broken.. forever broken even long before we met. I won’t be okay and it is getting worse and I am dying and I don’t know what to do.. I don’t want to die knowing that our daughter is not your number one priority like I wasn't “

Louis is watching Harry, he looks so serious, he looks so sure and that scares Louis. He opens his mouth to talk but the door is opened, Zayn and Gigi enter. Zayn smiles and walks directly to Harry; he gives him a soft hug as does gigi. Louis watches them talking and he sees Harry smiling to them and communicates. He takes a deep breath but his heart hurts and his lungs tightens on him so he leaves the room. 

*******   
Louis is sitting outside the room, he just said goodbye to Zayn and Gigi. He couldn’t talk to anyone and he felt he is about to cry if he did. So he sits outside even when Gemma came and took Emma with her, she tries to talk to him but he could barely answer. 

He is too scared to talk, he is too scared to know what is the wrong with Harry, although they had passed a lot, although Harry almost dies before and he stayed in a coma for a whole year, Louis feels this time it is for real, he feels that somehow Harry is slipping away, Harry is letting go and he hates what he feels, but he has nothing to do with it, he can’t put it down, he can’t deny it, because it is growing inside of him and he feels that Harry is really in danger and really is going to leave for good this time. 

“Mr Tomlinson, you are still here? “ Louis hears a voice talking to him. It is Harry’s doctor. 

The doctor sits beside Louis and he keeps his smile “everything okay? “

Louis shrugs “I don’t know” then he sighs “how is he? “

The doctor frowns and says “stable.. For now but we don’t know if he made up his mind”

“about what? “

The doctor doesn’t talk at the start “he didn’t tell you? “

Louis rubs his face, he feels exposed in front a stranger but he has no other option “no, he didn’t. Things between us is getting complicated.. I feel like he is pushing me out of his life”

The doctors nods and he smiles again “maybe because he is too scared. He is having a hard time right now.. And I guess he needs every possible support”

“can you please tell me what is going on? “

The doctor nods his head “of course.. But I guess you need to talk to him first”

Louis shakes his head “no, I need to hear it from you”

The doctor nods again “I am sorry I can’t do that. He told me not to tell anyone, he said he will tell his family himself “

Louis is starting to feel worried again “you are scaring me here”

“there is no need for this. Just talk to your husband and support him” the doctor then stands up and leaves Louis to his thoughts. Support him how? He wants a divorce, he wants to end everything between them. How can he support and what does he hide? 

******   
Louis is driving home, he didn’t see Harry off, he just left because he couldn’t handle anything right and he is this close from breaking down. A lot are running in his mind. The threats, Liam’s revenge, Emma’s broken heart, Harry’s mysterious condition, the divorce. 

He knows he is losing everything, he is losing his family, the love of his life, he is losing himself. 

His phone is ringing but he cancels the call, he doesn’t want to talk to anyone, he doesn’t want to hear anything. 

Loud screech then an impact. 

Everything is whistling, his ears can’t hear anything. He can’t see anything; it is too dark. His cheeks hurt and his head but he feels okay. His body is in an awkward angle that hurts his left shoulder but he is okay. Slowly he starts to see, he sees black underneath him, he sees glasses, then he smells smokes. His hearts drops. 

He tries to move but he suddenly felt paralyzed, he can’t move and his heart is going crazy, he is definitely dying. 

He takes a deep breath, he can’t die now, he can’t leave Harry, Harry will never forgive him. He opens his eyes again and looks around him, he needs to remember where he is.

Suddenly it hits him

Okay he knows where is he is now. He is in his car, he is upside down. He just made an accident. He crawls outside the car with pain in his shoulder، he needs to get out, he needs to see Harry now. He must apologise to him and beg him not to divorce, he will beg his daughter to forgive him, he will not die knowing those two people are hating him. 

and then he is out. He looks behind him and he sees flames starts to grow in his car, and no, the car will explode and he will burn beside it, he needs to move away now. He crawls faster and he is in four now, slowly he stands up feeling extremely dizzy, but he makes it and then he hears a boom. He flies few meters away and he again collapses on the ground, then darkness. 

********  
Louis is sitting at the back of an ambulance, Zayn is standing in front of h talking to the medic, Louis is covered in blanket, his head is killing him and he needs Harry. 

He just needs Harry. 

Zayn sits beside him “you need to go to the hospital, this cut needs stitches” he points at his cheek

Louis looks at him and says “I need to see Harry”

Zayn nods “okay, we will fix you and you will see Harry”

“I need to see him”

Zayn frowns “do you want me to call him for you? But that will scare him.. We don’t need to stress him-“

“I was going to die” Louis says staring at nothing, remembering how horrified he felt an hour ago.   
“he is dying, I need to see him”

“you know? “

Louis looks at him and doesn’t talk, he looks down again “I need to see him now”

Zayn takes Louis to the hospital where they spend hours examining him for any broken bones or any abnormalities. 

He is okay, nothing is broken, he survived magically.   
Once the doctor says he can leave, he walks to Harry but Zayn stops him. 

“what are you doing? You heard the doctor I am fine”

Zayn nods “but we need to talk first”

Louis groans “Zayn, I need to see my husband “

Again Zayn nods “but we need to talk first”

Louis frowns and looks at his friends eyes, Zayn is so exhausted, he is so serious too, there is something happening. 

Louis finally says “fine ten minutes “  
*******   
“what do you mean it was not an accident “ Louis asks Zayn with great frown on his face 

Zayn sighs “the camera show that, you were hit from behind Louis. It was a hit and run”

“fuck” Louis only says 

Zayn nods “you are not safe anymore I don’t know what you did to anger whoever they are”

“they are who killed Liam.. I was right”

“you were stupid. Now you put all your family in danger. We don’t know who they are, what can they do, they are sending threats.. They attacked Harty-“

“wait.. Wiat… what? “

Zayn groans “man what is going on between the two of you? “

“how? When? “then Louis jumps on his feet “God.. It wasn’t one of his episodes? “

He doesn’t give Zayn time to answer, he runs to Harry’s room, he opens the door and enters. The room is too quiet and dark so Harry must be sleeping. Louis walks closer and sits beside him on the bed. There is a dim light and he can see Harry’s features, he grasps Harry’s hand and he leans and gives it a kiss. 

“Lou” Harry calls him with his scratchy sleepy voice   
Louis looks at him and Harry’s gasps “what happened to you? “suddenly he is full awake now looking at Louis with big eyes 

Louis doesn’t talk, he just cries. He sobs and covers his face with his hands, he can’t take it anymore and he is finally with Harry but he is too scared, he is too helpless and scared, every time he looks at Harry he feels he is losing him and the feeling is too much for him that he cries. 

Louis hears Harry crying too then he feels he is being held. Harry is hugging him now and he is crying too 

“what happened? Please tell me you are okay? “

But Louis cries harder, and Harry’s grip is tightening “are the girls okay? God is Zayn okay? “

Then Louis starts to see loud peeps but he doesn’t know where do they come from. 

He stops crying and he search with his eyes, he leaves Harry’s hug and he looks at him, Harry is still crying and looking back at him, also shocked 

Then Louis looks beside Harry and he knows where do the peeps come from, it is Harry’s heart and it is going crazy 

Louis looks at Harry and he cries again; he cups Harry’s face “I can’t lose you”

Harry nods his head, but Louis shakes his head because Harry doesn’t understand “I can't lose you, you can’t fucking die now, you will not die Harry and leave me, please promise me”

Harry nods still looking panicking at Louis, Louis stops crying to calm Harry’s down “calm down... I am okay”

Harry shakes with head “no, you are not”

“I am okay”

“you are hurt”

Then Louis remembers his cut “I am fine, it is just a scratch. I made an accident Harry” Harry gasps again, But Louis takes Harry’s hands and squeezes hard “I am okay. I promise..”

Harry nods again, but he cries “I love you Louis”

Louis does not expect that, it really surprises him, “I love you and I don’t wanna die” Harry says 

Louis kisses Harry’s hand because it hurts to talk, he looks at Harry with tears in his eyes again and Harry’s hand still on his lips 

Harry is watching “I am too scared Lou”

Louis nods his head but still can’t talk 

“please… stay this time. Please try harder... Please there is no time I am too scared”

Louis finally can say “you will not gonna die, I am not letting you go I can.. I can fix this”

Harry closes his eyes and Louis sees the tears run down his face “you can’t fix what is already broken Baby”

“you are not broken”

Harry shakes his head and looks again at Louis, he shrugs “but I am. My head in broken, my heart is broken.. “

“no”

“yes”

“Harry, don’t say that please “ he cries again “they can save you”

Harry shakes his head again “they can’t. But you can”

Louis looks at him doesn’t understand, Harry goes on “if you want to save me you gotta save yourself Louis. Whatever you are doing please stop it. Don’t die. Don’t make me worry about you. We can’t leave Emma alone”

Louis shakes his head “you are not dying “

“ listen to me-“ Harry says louder 

“you are not dying”

“ three months” Harry says again louder, then he takes a deep breath and looks at the machine that is still screaming beside him, “doctors are coming to check on me now”

He looks at Louis “I am only having three months. My heart is not working.. I can’t leave the bed now without fainting” he wipes his tears “I always believed that I can beat it one day”

Louis doesn’t talk, because his feeling was right, that horrible feeling he kept having is finally became true. He is losing Harry. 

Then the door is opened and there is a doctor and a nurse enters the room. Harry looks at them and smiles, he wipes his tears again and shrugs “I am sorry. I was telling my husband “

The doctor that Louis saw earlier only kids his head “try to calm down”

Harry nods , then the doctor excuses himself after checking on Harry’s vital and asking Louis for a word when he finishes with Harry. 

Louis looks again at Harry, it feels serious and real. He had never seen Harry’s eyes this way before. Not just tired but they look weak, hopeless, and that is scary because a Harry has never lost hope before, maybe he felt upset and angry but he never lost hope. 

Louis finds himself saying “you will be alright “

Harry smiles for the first time, Louis’ heart aches because he does not remember when was the last time he saw Harry smiling 

“yeah”

Louis knows he doesn’t mean it, and Harry knows he doesn’t mean it but they both only smile.   
“we need to talk” Harry says, “ not about me, about what is going on with you and work, with you and Emma”

“I will fix everything with Emma”

Harry nods again “yeah, do that, fix that she loves you”, he then coughs and presses his chest, Louis is watching and again he looks at the machine but it seems normal. He looks at Harry again and he looks awfully exhausted now and he could use some sleep  
Louis sighs and then he hugs Harry again, he kisses his head and said “let’s talk later okay”

Harry nods his head, then he lied down with Louis’ help, Louis lies beside him and looks at his eyes. Their hands intertwined and together they looked at the ceiling of the room 

“do you remember when we first met? “ Harry asks

Louis smiles and looks at him “I saw you first”

“no, you didn’t “ then he looks back at him 

Louis raises a brow “yes I did. You just graduated and was looking for a job. You were with Niall and some other friends.. So I saw you and when you moved to get something from the bar I talked to you, so yes I saw you first”

Harry again shakes his head “ Louis. Have you ever seen me in any night clubs? Have I ever asked to go to any? “

Louis frowns deeper and he knows the answer, no Harry never did, he never wanted to be in crowded places, besides the light and the loud music could trigger his fits. 

“no? “

Harry smiles and looks at the ceiling “I saw you before we met two weeks ago”

Louis is truly shocked “no”

Harry giggles “you were buying some cigarette from that market, and I saw you, I don’t know but I guess I likes you.. Then I saw you again at the coffee shop, I sat right behind you but you didn’t notice me , and I heard you talking on the phone to Zayn I guess and you told him you will meet at that night club. So I begged Niall to go without Gemma knowing because of course she would lose her mind. And lucky me he said yes and he never knew the reason why, and then you noticed me and the rest is history” he giggles again when he sees the look on Louis’ face. 

“I don’t believe you”

Harry sighs and looks back at the ceiling “no one knows. I never told anyone”

“Harry Edward Styles, how could you hide this from me? ”

Harry giggles then shrugs “I wasn’t sure it was going to work. I was too scared and when I know you were an officer I wanted to run, I mean.. With my condition and everything “

Louis squeezes his hand “yeah, I remember how much you tried to push me away”

Harry smiles but he does not talk. 

“I love you Harry. I love you so much. Ever since I lied my eyes in you and I know that you will be the one for me”

“I love you too” then he sighs “what happened to us”

Louis kisses his hand “ we will be okay. I promise “

Harry only smiles and put his head on Louis chest and closes his eyes. Louis plays with his hair and also closes his eyes, and for the first time since long time ago Louis stops his brain from working. He just enjoys the moment with Harry, this moment that he feels deep inside that he won’t be able to share it again with him.   
And he is right.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry and Gemma are in Harry’s hospital room, Gemma looks at her watch and says “ he is coming, I know he will.. just wait for five minutes “ 

Harry sighs ,he rubs his face “ either you bring the doctor or I will leave this bed and bring him myself gemma"

Gemma looks at him softly “Harry this is huge, this is the greatest decision you are gonna make, you can’t make it alone" 

Harry looks at her with big eyes “ do you think I will wait for him to make my decision?”she opens her mouth but he says “ he was here Gemma, last night. He was here and he just made an accident and he wanted to see me because he felt it too, he felt I am dying and the next thing he did? He left this morning without saying a word, I woke up and he was gone" 

“ he didn’t know" 

“He doesn’t care..” then he huffs “ Gemma, please I already made my decision just bring the doctor so I can tell him" 

Gemma forces herself to stand up, she walks and she leaves the room, Harry closes his eyes for a second, he wants to gather his shit, he knows he is going to make the last decision he can ever do, he wants Louis to be with him not to stop him but to hold his hand and support him, but when was Louis when Harry ever needed him.

The doctor enters the room, looking at Harry with a smile “ Mr styles. Are we ready to hear your decision?” 

Harry nods his head “ where is doctor Ross?” 

The doctor keeps his smile “he is coming right now. Although we both know there is no need, I really hope you chose the right thing to do” 

Harry doesn’t respond to that, then the door is opened and doctor Ross the neurologist enters, he greets them all and together with doctor Green the cardiologist stand in front of Harry’s bed 

Harry takes a long breath and says “ I have been thinking a lit recently about my two options you gave me. And regarding the info you gave me I don’t have much time-" 

“Harry-" doctor Green interrupts but Harry raises his hand and the doctor stops , Harry says “ if I do the heart surgery I will never leave my bed, I will not have an effort to do anything.. I will not leave the hospital” 

“ You will leave the hospital” doctor Green says 

“ in a year or less, that what you told me.”

“but you will stay alive”

“how is this alive? This surgery should make me better.. what you told me is the complete opposite “

“ it will make you live longer" Gemma says 

Harry looks at her “ it’s a year, and God only knows if I can be the same again"

Gemma covers her face and cries, she already knows her brother decision.

Harry looks again at the doctors, he puts his hand on Gemma’s arm and says “ I can do the surgery and live maybe three years longer spending most of them in the hospital.. and maybe after this three years I get hit by a car and die" 

Doctor Green says “ Harry. I told you the whole truth so you can see what will be waiting “ 

Harry nods his head “ and I appreciate the honesty..but I chose not to do it"

Gemma gasps but she doesn’t talk, doctor Green nods his head “ your heart is very week Harry, it won’t take another attack" 

Harry looks at doctor Ross “we can try the new line"

Doctor Ross who seems to be a very serious man nods his head “ it is a new line and we can’t guarantee anything Mr Styles" 

Harry nods “ I know, but let’s hope for the best" 

Doctor Green says “ hope? Harry you are risking your life” 

Harry smiles and looks at him “ Paul.. you promised you will respect my decision” 

Paul shakes his head in defeat and looks down, Harry looks at Doctor Ross “ when can we start?” 

Doctor Ross says “ next week. We can start and I really hope it will work" 

Harry nods his head.

******* 

Louis is in the station, in his boss office, they are fighting, Simon wants to put protection around Louis and his family, he wants Louis to resign and of course Louis isn’t leaving easily 

Simon yells “ you were attacked, your husband was attacked , what else Louis ? Who else?” 

Louis yells again “ if they are attacking me then I am right, they are the one who killed Liam, and I want revenge. I won’t stop till I have my revenge”

Simon still yelling “ and I said drop it, I said let it go. I won’t let you die Louis I won’t participate in this suicide operation”

Louis’s blood is boiling, he looks at Zayn who is looking down avoiding his eyes “ what does it mean?”

Simon looks at Louis “ you disobeyed your orders not once but several times, you put your life and other civilians in danger, you out your mates lives in danger Louis. Tell me how to handle this?” 

“ give me an order, take our revenge, you keep saying you are sorry he is dead but you are sitting here doing nothing “ 

Zayn snaps his head up and Simon screams “ you have no idea what I am doing young man" 

“ You are doing nothing Simon, I came with information, I could have arrested them all but you… you are sitting here doing absolutely nothing, you don’t care about us.. you only care about this chair and as long as your work is fine.. then he’ll to everything”

Zayn warned “Louis.. enough “

Simon is looking at Louis he then says “ you are fired" 

“What?”

“You heard me, hand me the gun and the badge..”

“You can’t fire me" 

Simon shouted again “ now” 

Louis glares at him, and then Furiously he tosses his badge and his gun and then he storms outside the office.

Zayn follows him, he calls his name but Louis ignores then he grasps his hand but Louis pushes Zayn and yells “ leave me the hell alone.. are you happy now?” then he storms outside the station 

Zayn runs after him “ happy?” 

Louis ignores but Zayn again grasps his hand “ wait a minute here" 

“What? What exactly do you want? I just got fired because of you" 

“me?” 

Louis nods hysterically “yes you, you are the one who told him everything “ 

“I told him about the threats you and your husband had. You both were attacked..” 

“non of your business “ 

But Zayn loses it “ hell it is my business" he yells and that surprises Louis, zayn says “ I lost a brother and I am not ready to lose another one, I did what I had to do and I don’t regret it. You have lost your mind again and firing you was the only way" 

Louis looks at his shocked “ you knew?”

Zayn gives a frustrated laugh “ I did, actually it was my idea" 

“Oh my god" Louis steps back looking at Zayn feeling betrayed 

Zayn looks at him “ I am trying to save you Louis. I am trying to save your life" 

But louis doesn’t answer, he rushes to his car and drives as fast as he can away from his best friend. He knows deep down that Zayn is right, he knows Simon was also right, they attacked him and Harry and who else they can attack.

Louis wants to calm down, he wants to guide his kind away from all the stress, so he goes to the only place for it, he will drink couple of shots and goes back to Harry, he won’t even be drunk enough. That what he thinks.

He asks for a shot after a shot, he can’t stop the feeling in his chest, he is feeling weak and betrayed, he is feeling lost and confused and most important he is feeling scared. His phone vibrates in front of him, Harry is calling but he can’t answer, what is gonna say anyway,

Louis ignores everyone and keeps drinking, he just lost his job, he lost his best friend, he lost his daughter and now he is losing the love of his life.

***** 

When Louis opens his eyes he sees white, white ceiling, white lights, white curtains. Shit he knows the smell. He is in the hospital. He tries to sit but he feels horrible pain shoots his head so he returns back.

He senses someone beside him so he looks beside him and he sees Harry, Harry is sitting on the chair beside him looking back at him. Is he dreaming?

Louis looks around him again to make sure he has the right idea 

“ yes, you are in the hospital “ Harry says , Louis looks at him and Harry looks so calm. 

“ you have been here for three days now, you have been waking up and drifting away , we had this conversation three times before so I am not sure if you will pass out again or .. you are really up" 

“ Harry-" Louis tries to speak but his throat burns , he coughs and rubs his neck believing it will make the pain go away, Harry stands up and walks to pour him some water, he gives him the glass of water and Louis takes it and take a small sip, then he gives the glass back to Harry. Harry puts it beside Louis and sits back 

“ you drank too much and you took a nasty fall, you hurt your head.. they had to clean your system from the alcohol.” 

Harry was talking so slow, so calm , so calm that is scares Louis. His voice is cold and he seems he doesn’t care what he is saying 

“Harry-" 

“ your sister is here,Lottie. She is the one who is staying with you.” Then he stands up “ and I am leaving “ 

“ Harry, wait" 

Harry doesn’t look at him, but he says “ I am not sure if you will remember this when you are fully awake and super.. but I signed the papers and I want you to sign them fast" 

“Harry-"

But Harry ignores and walks to the door, but before he opens it , and while his hand is on the know he snorts and looks at Louis “ I really thought you will change for me, I really thought and believed that.. I.. I just don’t understand how can you easily do that to me"

“ I am not doing anything “ Louis is terribly shocked , he doesn’t know what to say 

“ you had done enough already Louis, the damage is too much and I won’t take it anymore. You will sign the paper and you will set me free" he opens the door and leaves. 

Louis looks at the closed door trying his best to remember anything, anything. But he remembers nothing. He looks beside him and he finds his phone, he takes it and he calls Zayn right away, but Zayn doesn’t answer, so he waits.

***** 

Louis waited for anyone to see him but no one came, only the nurse and she told him exactly what Harry said, he didn’t care about that he wanted to know why Harry was suddenly upset and again signed the paper.

It is night when Zayn finally comes, he opens the door and he sees Louis looks at him and once he sees him he shouts “ where the hell have you been , I was calling you" 

Zayn sighs and collapses beside him “ He told me you are awake. I didn’t expect you to be totally awake"

“I called you, didn’t I?” 

Zayn presses his eyes with his fingers, he looks very exhausted and pale “ you did" 

Louis is watching him “ what happened?” 

Zayn looks too and frowns “ what?” 

“You look exhausted” 

“ I am exhausted”

“Okay, what happened?”

Zayn takes a deep breath “work.” Then he keeps his mouth shut 

Louis huffs and then says “okay, did you talk to Simon yo bring me back?” 

Zayn raises a brow “ why would I do that?” 

“Zayn-"

But Zayn cuts him “ you are not coming back, actually you shouldn’t have come back the last time" 

Louis is getting furious again “ so it was your idea" 

Zayn shakes his head in disbelief “ I told you it was" 

Louis yells “ then bring me back" 

Zayn jumps on his feet “ no, I won’t. No one wants you there Louis no one, you had done enough and now let’s clean after you as always" 

Louis doesn’t expect that, he doesn’t expect to see Zayn angry this way, he is the one in the hospital and yet everyone is angry at him 

“ what does this suppose to mean ?” 

Zayn crosses his arms “ have you talked to your husband? Have you discussed his surgery options?” 

And suddenly the worlds spins, the surgery. Fuck he remembers that now . 

He looks at Zayn with pale face now and big eyes “ oh God!” 

Zayn waves at him “ that’s exactly you shouldn’t come back" 

Louis closes his eyes in realization “that’s why he was mad at me"

“Mad? He was fucking furnished Louis. He looked for you everywhere, he left the hospital looking for you.. he was panicking believing that you were already dead, actually I thought you were dead, no one heard from you for two fucking days.. and then someone found you barely alive freezing from cold on the street drawn in your vomit and alcohol covers you from nick to toe" 

Louis rubs his face because this is too much “ I don’t remember that" 

“ of course you don’t. You were plastered Louis, you drank and drank and didn’t stop drinking for two days, you were poisoned and this close from dying. How come do you want me to ask Simon to bring you back? You should go back to that mental institution fir God sake"

Louis yells “ Zayn-"

But once Zayn snaps no one can stop him “ wake up Louis" he yells “ wake the fuck up. Last time we whole could barely survive.. this time I am not sure" 

“ stop lecturing me" Louis snaps too

Zayn snorts “ as if it even works, nothing works with you Louis.. nothing. Once you want to do something you do it"

“why are you here Zayn?” 

Zayn looks at him “ you want me to leave?”

“ I can find a reason to stay" 

Zayn stops talking, he then shakes his head and says “ as long as I am not with you , you pushes me away" 

Louis says “ as long as you want to prove I am wrong you stay" 

Zayn narrows his eyes “prove you are wrong? What? Do you consider yourself right?” 

“ I found the bad guys didn’t I?”

“ You found nothing Louis, we can’t prove anything, you were just looking for someone… some face, you wandered the city night and day looking for a face and we don’t know who did you upset but congratulations and thanks to you everyone received a threat Louis. You didn’t put your only family danger, you put our families too", 

Louis stares at Zayn, he didn’t know that and he doesn’t have anything to say. He looks down while Zayn takes his jacket and leaves the room.

***** 

No one visits Louis again, he stays another day by his own and finally he decided to disobey the doctors order and leave.

He is walking in the hospital corridors where he suddenly sees Harry’s doctor, he calls his name and he remembered it with difficulty then he storms to him. 

The doctor looks at him with his smile" Mr Tomlinson, you are awake finally?”

Louis always hated that doctor, he ignores the comment and it looks like the doctor doesn’t expect an answer, doctor adds while looking at the file in his hand “ how can I help?” 

“I am here to discuss Harry’s condition “ 

The doctor looks up and asks “ what to discuss? Aren’t you a little but late for that?”

Louis tries not to lose his temper “ I had work" 

The doctor nods his head, he closes the file and says “ what do you want Mr Tomlinson?” 

Louis shrugs “ I Don’t know, tell me anything about him, Karl"

The doctor smiles “ well, I can’t do that I am afraid, your husband orders" 

“But-" 

But doctor Green is already walking away “ and it is Paul for the record" 

Louis stays still in his place, then he again picks his phone and calls Gemma.

She doesn’t answer.

******

Louis enters his home, and to his surprise he hears noises coming from the kitchen, so Harry is here ?

He rushes to the kitchen and he finds Harry and Emma , Harry obviously is cooking.

Then he notices Louis , he looks down and says “ Emma, look who is here?” 

Emma looks back and she finds Louis , he scream his name and ran to give him a hug, he kneels and carries her, he misses her and he isn’t sure if she forgave him yet or not.

He kisses her cheek and forehead , she giggles and says “it tickles daddy" she means his face hair , he smiles and buries his face in her nick like he always do.

“I missed you baby girl" 

She smiles “ I missed you too, how was your trip?”

He glances at Harry who still avoids looking at him, then he says “ exhausted, I need some rest" 

She nods softly and cups his face “ you need some sleep"

But Harry says “ actually cupcake, daddy is here to take some clean clothes and leave again"

She looks at her daddy “ again?” 

Louis swallows thickly and before he can speak Harry says “you know how his work does to him, now let him go for a shower so he can eat with us the dinner before it gets cold, I fixed the bag for him" 

Louis puts the girl down, he looks at Harry and says “Harry-" 

But Harry cuts him “ I remember I need to make this phone call" then he leaves the kitchen. 

When Louis comes out of his bathroom, he finds Harry is waiting on the bed, once he sees him he stands up “I didn’t tell her anything..yet. but I will.”

“Harry-" 

“I want you to come down and act normal , eat with her and talk 6o her, then I want you to apologise to her. Make your last meal with her worth it" 

“Last meal?”

“ I get to keep the house, Mark will tell you everything don’t worry it’s a fair deal" 

Louis finally snaps “ Harry, stop it" 

Harry startles and closes his mouth, Louis says “ enough with the cold shoulder , let’s sit and talk like husbands do" 

Harry frowns and then he laughs “ talk and husbands in one sentence? Now you wanna talk? No Louis we aren’t sitting to talk and we aren’t husbands anymore, I s8gned the papers" 

“ well I didn’t “

Harry is leaving the room “ and I don’t care, you have three minutes and we will start eating"

******

Louis can barely touch his food, Harry can barley touch his food but Emma didn’t notice anything. She looks happy and she talks about her school and her new project, she talks like there was nothing wrong but they know she is a smart kid and she can feel it.

Louis looks at Harry and he sees it in his eyes he tells him to apologize now while Harry is there.

Louis 0uts his fork down, the girl finished her plate and he says “ Emma. I guess I owe you an apology"

The girl's smile fades away, Harry sighs and closes his eyes so Louis continues “about what happened in your birthday “ 

She then smiles “ daddy, you don’t have to" 

“But I said these words and I hurt you"

“ and I forgave you”

Tears formed rapidly in his eyes, he asks “ how?”

She shrugs “I just did”

“why?” 

She smiles “ because I love you” Then she leaves her seat and hugs him.

Harry wipes his tears too and says “alright young lady, now go and wash your hands" 

She walks away 

Louis looks at Harry “ I need to do this, I can’t lose this please" 

Harry is holding his glass of water “ she forgave you, but I didn’t.. I won’t “ 

“ why?tell me what to do Harry ?”

Harry shrugs “ your daughter just explained everything, she forgave you cause she loves you, I always forgave you cause I loved you" 

Louis whispers “ loved “ 

“ I can’t forgive you anymore Louis, I don’t love you"

Louis closes his eyes “ I am sorry, okay.. I.. I don’t know how to fix it Harry"

“ it won’t be fixed, it is too damaged to be fix Louis. It is over"

“I can’t lose you"

Harry leaves his seat and doesn’t talk, the door bell rings and Harry says “that’s Mark" 

Louis stares at Harry, Harry looks at him “ he is here for a closure Louis. Please sign the papers" 

And he leaves the kitchen.


End file.
